The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examinations in a Dudley School for 16 year olds
These are genuine responses from 16 year olds
Geography
Q: Name the four seasons.
A : Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A : Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A : The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A : The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Sociology
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A : If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A : Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q: What are steroids?
A : Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Biology
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A : When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A : He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A : Premature death.
Q: What is artificial insemination?
A : When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A : Keep it in the cow. [He got an A ]
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g. abdomen)
A : The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax, the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A , E, I, O,U.
Q: What is the Fibula?
A : A small lie.
Q: What does 'varicose' mean?
A : Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A : Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean Section.'
A : The caesarean section is a district in Rome .
Q: What is a seizure?
A : A Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A : When you are sick at the airport.
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A : Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas.
English
Q: Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A : Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?
A : Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
These are genuine responses from 16 year olds
Geography
Q: Name the four seasons.
A : Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A : Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A : The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A : The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Sociology
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A : If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A : Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q: What are steroids?
A : Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Biology
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A : When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A : He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A : Premature death.
Q: What is artificial insemination?
A : When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A : Keep it in the cow. [He got an A ]
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g. abdomen)
A : The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax, the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A , E, I, O,U.
Q: What is the Fibula?
A : A small lie.
Q: What does 'varicose' mean?
A : Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A : Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean Section.'
A : The caesarean section is a district in Rome .
Q: What is a seizure?
A : A Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A : When you are sick at the airport.
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A : Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas.
English
Q: Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A : Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?
A : Benign is what you will be after you be eight.