Mild Jokes to get your day going
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  1. #1
    Rods 'n' Sods Junkie Gr8h8me's Avatar
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    Mild Jokes to get your day going

    Customer: 'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'..
    Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'.
    Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'.
    Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'.


    Samsung Electronics

    Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
    Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'.
    Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
    Operator: 'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall'.


    RAC Motoring Services

    Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?'
    Operator: ' Doesn't the product name give you a clue?'


    Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):
    'If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'


    Directory Enquiries

    Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please'.
    Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?'
    Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off'.


    Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
    Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
    Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland '.


    On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
    'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on'.


    Tech Support

    Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.
    Customer: 'OK'.
    Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'.
    Customer: 'No'.
    Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
    Customer: 'No'.
    Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'.
    Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''.


    Tech Support: 'OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
    Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'


    Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?'.


    There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.
    Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

    Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
    Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
    Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
    Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
    Operator: 'Went away?'
    Caller: 'They disappeared.'
    Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
    Caller: 'Nothing..'
    Operator: 'Nothing??'
    Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
    Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
    Caller: 'How do I tell?'
    Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
    Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
    Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
    Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
    Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
    Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
    Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
    Caller: 'I don't know.'
    Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
    Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
    Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
    Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
    Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
    Caller: 'No.'
    Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable..'
    Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
    Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
    Caller: 'I can't reach.'
    Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
    Caller: 'No.'
    Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'
    Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'
    Operator: 'Dark??'
    Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
    ' Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
    Caller: 'I can't.'
    Operator: 'No? Why not??'
    Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
    Operator: 'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
    Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'
    Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
    Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
    Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
    Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
    Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
    Operator: 'Tell them you're too --- ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!'
    No my Car doesn't really glitter like this...Its photoshop

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  3. #2
    Official Drag Addict.... BRIT DIGGER's Avatar
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    little boy playing with his train set.
    mum overhears him say..

    "All you *******s getting off can **** off. all you *******s getting on better hurry up!...

    mum sends him to his room for two hours until he learns to be nice.

    when he starts playing again 2hrs later......

    mum heres him say..

    "those disembarking please mind the step and have a nice day"

    "those boarding please enjoy your journey"

    "and those that are upset at the 2hr delay.................















    "Blame the fat **** in the kitchen!"..........

    Sid.
    DRAG RACING IS A DISEASE FOR WHICH THERE IS NO KNOWN CURE.

    Oddlot Drag Racing Team....
    ............."havin fun is usual"

  4. #3
    Official RnS Addict
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gr8h8me View Post
    Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
    Operator: 'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
    That one struck a chord. My Dad was a lift engineer, had an emergeny call out on a Saturday to a block of flats in Watford as the lift had stopped working. Same thing, when he got there the caretaker told him he couldn't put the lights on in the basement lift motor romm because there was a power cut.:****er:
    Last edited by 40Stude; 30-10-2009 at 10:38.

  5. #4
    Official RnS Addict Roadrunna's Avatar
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    Roadrunna is offline
    Quote Originally Posted by Gr8h8me View Post
    Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
    Operator: 'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
    Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'
    Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
    Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
    Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
    Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
    Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
    Operator: 'Tell them you're too --- ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!'
    Almost every corporate support job i've covered has had an "Insufficient User IQ" job resolution code


    Admittedly I set most of them up though
    Meep Meep.
    My Intro

  6. #5
    Woodchipper Extraordinair HotRod's Avatar
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    Two young children one 4 one 6 are playing in there bedroom when the eldest says ' i think its about time we started swearing' '****ing right' the youngest replied, there mother calls them down for breakfast and asks the oldest what he would like for breakfast 'i'll have some ****ing coco pops' he says his mother gives him a slap and sends him to his room and then looks at the youngest and says ' and what would you like for breakfast, the youngest with a quivering jaw replies ' i dont know but you can bet your ****ing arse it wont be coco pops!'

  7. #6
    Desparado 57peppershaker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HotRod View Post
    Two young children one 4 one 6 are playing in there bedroom when the eldest says ' i think its about time we started swearing' '****ing right' the youngest replied, there mother calls them down for breakfast and asks the oldest what he would like for breakfast 'i'll have some ****ing coco pops' he says his mother gives him a slap and sends him to his room and then looks at the youngest and says ' and what would you like for breakfast, the youngest with a quivering jaw replies ' i dont know but you can bet your ****ing arse it wont be coco pops!'

    LOL
    The doors open, but the ride it aint free.

    "fuck, thats orange" ! - kc55
    https://www.rodsnsods.co.uk/forum/gar...-57-chevy-1277

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