oh come we need more jokes ..

**neil harris** · 29-04-2009 17:48

lifes dull enough so here goes

bloke goes into the doctors and says to doc i wonder if you can have a look at my foot..
He lobs it on the table and the doctor sayS " im sorry my freind but thats not a foot"
to which patient replies ,nope ! but its a good 11 inches aint it ...

gets me every time ... sorry..

**mrquickwhip** · 29-04-2009 17:51

2 soldiers in trenches.........had nuthin to eat for weeks.......one says 2 other im so hungry i could eat my [email protected]
his mate replies wait till u get a [email protected] it will do both of us

**Firebrewed** · 29-04-2009 17:57

In the vain hope of lifting the tone a little.....

It seems they're showing the Flintstones now in the Middle East. The people in Dubai don't get the humour but the people in Abu Dhabi do

**neil harris** · 29-04-2009 18:05

hahahahah ... ace.

big gay julian goes to the doctor with bum issues,,
doc says i want you to go home and consume 20 oranges 14 ltrs of prune juice, 30 apples ,ten bowls of all bran,six pound of grapes,4lb of raisins,10 oranges and a large box of museli
julian replies to the doctor " oh great will it make me well again ,
the doc replies " NO!!! but itll give you a better indication for what your ass is for,....

**dutchrod** · 29-04-2009 18:16

well if you are a landlord and have house for rent, you can get some strange questions. qoutes from some letters:

My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has
fungus growing in it.

He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't
take it anymore.

It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow.

I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my
knob off.

I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put
his foot in the hole in his back passage.

Our neigbour's 8 year old son is continually banging his balls against
my fence.

I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I
think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped
and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

The toilet is blocked and we cant' bath the children until it is
cleared.

Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour
and not fit to drink.

Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at
6am his cock wakes me up and its getting too much for me.

The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is
unsightly and dangerous.

Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third,
so please send someone round to do something about it.

I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat, would you please do
something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my
wife.

I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still
have no satisfaction.

This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't
get BBC2.

pascal

**falfasrevenge** · 29-04-2009 18:18

Two cannibals are eating a clown...............one says to the other,"does yours taste funny" !!!!!!

**vince-305** · 29-04-2009 18:28

Did you know diarrhea is hereditary !!!!

It runs in your jeans

**Hot Rod Widow** · 29-04-2009 18:40

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE". He stormed in to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.

After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want.

Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.

Then, you will massage my feet and hands.

Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

The wife replied, "The f*****g funeral director would be my first guess."

**Battersea Boys** · 29-04-2009 18:43

How many Country and Western singers does it take to put in a light bulb?

6, one to put the bulb in and 5 to sing a song about how good the old one was!!!