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  1. #1001
    Official RnS Addict Sherwood's Avatar
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    Tony ambled into a bar, and noticed a bucket behind the counter filled to the brim with cash.
    "Is there a contest on to win that dough?" Tony asked the bartender.
    "Yep," the barkeep responded, "It costs $50 to enter, and then you have to do three things:
    First you've got to knock out Spike, our 300-pound bouncer.
    Then we've got a pit bull out back with an abscessed tooth, and it's up to you to yank it out.
    Finally, the 90-year old lady who owns this place is upstairs. If you can give her a multiple-orgasm, all the money's yours."
    Tony was up for it. He paid the fee and approached the hulking doorman.
    With a single blow, Tony knocked Spike cold.
    Triumphant, Tony stormed into the bar's backyard. The patrons listened to the pit bull's ferocious bark for several minutes, which was followed by a series of hysterical yelps.
    Covered with nicks and scratches, Tony reentered the saloon and yelled:
    "Two down! Now where's that old broad with the abscessed tooth?"

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  3. #1002
    john the wanderer jjwanderer's Avatar
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    just stopped off at the motorway services, picked up a sandwich, a coffee & a mars bar,, said to the bird at the till "sorry love, i've only got a 20",, she said "thats OK, just put the mars bar back"

  4. #1003
    Official RnS Addict Special When Lit's Avatar
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    Nurse in a mental home finds a patient with his cock between two savory biscuits.
    'What are you doing' she shouts.

    'I'm ****ing crackers' he says!
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    If you can't be an example, be a warning.

  5. #1004
    Official RnS Addict fozwanger's Avatar
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    I saw the funniest thing the other day in Debenhams, a muslim kid went up to a pair of black curtains in soft furnishings and shouted "mummy"

  6. #1005
    capriac capriac's Avatar
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    After hearing about Bony 'M' Bobby Farrells death I did a Google search for 'Brown girl in the ring'. All I got was a load clips on youtube of Audley Harrison's boxing matches

    Following the acute water crisis in Ireland, Ministers have asked if the population could consider dilution to make the resourses go further
    Last edited by capriac; 30-12-2010 at 22:15.

  7. #1006
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    Quote Originally Posted by capriac View Post
    After hearing about Bony 'M' Bobby Farrells death I did a Google search for 'Brown girl in the ring'. All I got was a load clips on youtube of Audley Harrison's boxing matches
    i wiss you f***ers would leave poor old Audley alone
    after all he never hurt anybody !!!!!

  8. #1007
    capriac capriac's Avatar
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    Due to the water shortage in Ireland, Ministers have shut lanes 7 & 8 at Belfast swimming pool.

  9. #1008
    Official RnS Addict Roadrunna's Avatar
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    I got one of those Dyson Ball Cleaners for Christmas.
    Unfortunately, I misunderstood what it was, which is why I'm now in casualty...
    Meep Meep.
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  10. #1009
    Official RnS Addict Roadrunna's Avatar
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    I've been offered three new wide-angle lenses for my camera, but I think I'll see how this one pans out.
    Meep Meep.
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  11. #1010
    Old enough to know better KerbycrewGary's Avatar
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    A young man called Chris from London wanted to buy his new girlfriend a Christmas present. They hadn't been dating for very long and she lived in Scotland. Chris consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note .... not too romantic and not too personal.

    Off he went with his sister to Harrods and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a sexy pair of knickers for herself at the same time. Harrods had a free gift wrapping offer but the assistant got the gifts mixed up, the sister got the gloves and Chris unknowningly got the knickers. Good old Chris sent off the his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter.

    Dear Maggie;

    I chose these because I've noticed that you don't wear any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove). These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly noticed any marks. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them. I wish I were there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you wear them for me on our next date.

    All my love, Chris

    P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing.
    Racing is Life---anything else is just waiting. Steve McQueen

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