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  1. #1011
    Official RnS Addict issigone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KerbycrewGary View Post
    A young man called Chris from London wanted to buy his new girlfriend a Christmas present. They hadn't been dating for very long and she lived in Scotland. Chris consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note .... not too romantic and not too personal.

    Off he went with his sister to Harrods and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a sexy pair of knickers for herself at the same time. Harrods had a free gift wrapping offer but the assistant got the gifts mixed up, the sister got the gloves and Chris unknowningly got the knickers. Good old Chris sent off the his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter.

    Dear Maggie;

    I chose these because I've noticed that you don't wear any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove). These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly noticed any marks. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them. I wish I were there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you wear them for me on our next date.

    All my love, Chris

    P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing.

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  3. #1012
    Official RnS Addict yorkster's Avatar
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    a 16 yr old kid tells his proud dad how he's just had sex for the first time and his old man tells him he'll buy him a new bike next payday and the kid replies ' fine dad ,I don't mind waiting cos my arse is too sore to ride it yet anyway !'..........

  4. #1013
    Rods 'n' Sods Junkie Enfoman's Avatar
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    Happy new year. I know it's early but I suffer from premature congratulation

  5. #1014
    "call 0-800 Apocalypse" satan's Avatar
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    WORLD SURVEY BY PHONE

    Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN.

    The only question asked was:

    "Could you please give your honest opinion
    about solutions to the food shortage
    in the rest of the world?"


    The survey was a massive failure because of the following:

    1. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant
    ..
    2. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

    3. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

    4. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant
    5. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
    6. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

    7. In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

    8. In the UK they hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent
    And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts, And I looked and behold: a pale horse. And his name, that sat on him, was Death. And Hell followed with him.

  6. #1015
    Official RnS Addict Stiff's Avatar
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    My girlfriend just had a go at me for leaving the toilet seat up....... Even after I explained that I only left it like that so all the **** would run off it.
    Stiffspeed on Facebook
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    We've cast the world, we've set the stage,
    for what could be, the darkest age...

  7. #1016
    Official RnS Addict Sherwood's Avatar
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    A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.
    Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age"
    "Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her ****ing appendix out!"

  8. #1017
    Official RnS Addict Sherwood's Avatar
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    "I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy"

    Listen love, you're looking at a prison sentence either way

  9. #1018
    I'm a newbie !
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    kevs 32y is offline
    i see gerry rafferty is to be burried in the same cemetary as ronald macdonald and heath ledger,clown to the left of him joker to the right.

  10. #1019
    Old enough to know better KerbycrewGary's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kevs 32y View Post
    i see gerry rafferty is to be burried in the same cemetary as ronald macdonald and heath ledger,clown to the left of him joker to the right.
    Oh dear.......
    very good
    Racing is Life---anything else is just waiting. Steve McQueen

  11. #1020
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    Elton john was changing the nappy on his new son and as he turned to his hubby and said "he reminds me so much of you david"david says "why is it his cheeky little smile?" "no" says elton "is it is cute little nose then" "no its not that "says elton ,david says "then it must be the colour of his eyes"" no" says elton "hes got **** all over his dick"

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