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  1. #21
    Official RnS Addict jim351's Avatar
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    I think i have that swine flu.............. I'm breaking out in rashers

    coat on....door open....
    Rock n Roll's been going down hill ever since Buddy Holly died.....

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  3. #22
    Official RnS Addict Mark H's Avatar
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    A nun was taking a bath when there was a knock on the door.
    "Who's there?" she called.
    "It's the blind man." came the reply.
    "Just come in then." said the nun.
    The man entered and said,"Nice tits,where do you want this blind hangin'!"

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  5. #23
    Official RnS Addict mikeyboy's Avatar
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    Husband and wife are taking a shower when the doorbell rings
    "I'll go says the wife" She wraps a towell around her and goes downstairs to open the door.Its Bob the next door neighbour.
    He looks at her and says "I'll give you 500quid if you drop that towell"
    "500quid eh" she says "allright" and drops the towell to the floor
    Bob smiles and hands over the money
    She goes back upstairs and her husband says "who was that"?
    "It was only Bob "she says
    "oh" says her husband "Did he say anything about the 500quid he owes me"?

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  7. #24
    Desparado 57peppershaker's Avatar
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    A blonde lady phones the fire brigade & shouts come quick, my house is on fire.
    Ok, how do we get to your house ?
    HELLO , in the ****in red lorry !
    The doors open, but the ride it aint free.

    "fuck, thats orange" ! - kc55
    https://www.rodsnsods.co.uk/forum/gar...-57-chevy-1277

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  9. #25
    Official RnS Addict Stiff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Firebrewed View Post
    It seems they're showing the Flintstones now in the Middle East. The people in Dubai don't get the humour but the people in Abu Dhabi do
    Quality!

    Just bought my epileptic mate a strobe light for Christmas. He’ll have a f**king fit when he sees it.

    I was walking through the park last night and one guy threw sodium chloride on me and another covered me in sulphuric acid.
    It was terrible. I didn't know how to react.

    My girlfriend said to me: "If you really loved me you'd go down on one knee."
    So I replied: "If you really loved me you'd go down. On both knees."

    I'm about 3yrs into my relationship now, and I've started to have erection difficulties.
    My girlfriend and I have different ideas as to what the problem is: She bought me some viagra;
    And I've bought her a treadmill.

    Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.
    Paddy says, "Are you on foot or in the car?"
    Billy says, "In the car."
    Paddy says, "That's the quickest way."
    Stiffspeed on Facebook
    Stiffspeed.Tumblr
    We've cast the world, we've set the stage,
    for what could be, the darkest age...

  10. #26
    I'm a grown up member now ! Erditurdi's Avatar
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    God visits a man and tells him he must give up smoking, drinking an sex if he wants to get into heaven! A week goes past and God visits the man to see how he is getting on. "Not bad" says the man, "I've given up smoking and drinking but when the wife bent over the freezer I just had to take her up the Ar*e"!
    "They don't like that in heaven" replies God.. The man says "They're not too happy about it in Tesco's either"..............!!
    Andy - Sydney

  11. #27
    Official RnS Addict Stitch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Battersea Boys View Post
    How many Country and Western singers does it take to put in a light bulb?

    6, one to put the bulb in and 5 to sing a song about how good the old one was!!!
    'ere Stew ...I went in a bakers shop today and thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread,on closer inspection it said THICK CUT ......easy mistake
    Champagne for my real friends,Real pain for my sham friends

    My Intro

  12. #28
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    I was in a Hotel last week and I ordered a 'wake up call'

    In the morning the phone rang and this woman's voice shouted "what the **** are you doing with your life?"

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  14. #29
    Desparado 57peppershaker's Avatar
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    My wife is not speaking to me cos I wouldnt open the car door for her . . . . .
    Its not my fault . . I just panicked & swam to the surface ! !

    I went to see my friends new baby today. She asked me if I wanted to wind it. I thought 'kin ell thats a bit harsh . .so I just gave it a dead leg !!

    & my fave

    Paddy says to Murphy "can you help me with this jigsaw ? Its meant to be a tiger"
    Murphy says, put the frosties back in the box ya thick ******* !!
    The doors open, but the ride it aint free.

    "fuck, thats orange" ! - kc55
    https://www.rodsnsods.co.uk/forum/gar...-57-chevy-1277

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  16. #30
    Desparado 57peppershaker's Avatar
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    Man get home & tells the wife, get me a beer before it starts.
    He drinks it.
    Then says, quick get me another before it starts.
    Again she gets it & he drinks it.
    Then says, another before it starts.
    She says, listen you lazy git, you walk in, sit down & start barking orders . . ..
    He says, **** me its started !!
    The doors open, but the ride it aint free.

    "fuck, thats orange" ! - kc55
    https://www.rodsnsods.co.uk/forum/gar...-57-chevy-1277

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