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  1. #3931
    Grown up? Never!
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    What’s the difference between my wife and a terrorist?
    You can negotiate with a terrorist.

    Chaley
    And on the 6th day Man created god.
    Tetanus

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  3. #3932
    Official RnS Addict legendlives's Avatar
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    On their wedding night, the young bride
    Approached her new husband and asked
    For $20.00 for their first lovemaking
    Encounter.
    In his highly aroused state,
    Her husband readily agreed.
    This scenario was repeated each time they made
    Love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a
    Cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that
    She needed.
    Arriving home around noon one day, she was
    Surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state.
    During the next few minutes, he explained that
    His employer was going through a process of corporate
    Downsizing, and he had been let go.


    It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find
    Another position that paid anywhere near what
    He'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.


    Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which
    Showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling
    Nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued
    By the
    bank which was worth over $2 million,
    And informed him that they
    Were one of the largest depositors in the bank.


    She explained that for more than
    Three decades she had 'charged' him for sex,
    These holdings had multiplied and these were the
    Results of her savings and investments.

    Faced with evidence of cash and investments
    Worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could
    Barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,
    'If I'd had any idea what you were doing,
    I would have given you all my business!'

    That's when she shot him.

    You know, sometimes, men just don't know when
    To keep their mouths shut.

  4. #3933
    Rods 'n' Sods Junkie The Original LucasJackson's Avatar
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    I'd just like to leave a message for my neighbour next door for lending me her multifunctional plastic covering during the last few days of pouring rain to help stop our roof leaks.

    Ta Pauline.

  5. #3934
    Official RnS Addict
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  7. #3935
    Official RnS Addict Big Joe's Avatar
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    Isn't it interesting how punctuation can change the whole meaning of a sentence?
    For instance just by inserting a colon into a sentence you can change the entire meaning and mood,
    "I ate Janes breakfast"
    And if you insert a colon
    "I ate Janes colon"

  8. Likesv8.jimmy liked this post
  9. #3936
    Official RnS Addict mattblack's Avatar
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    On our anniversary I pinned a map of the world on the wall and gave my missus a dart. I said "throw the dart, and wherever it lands I will take you"

    I'm looking forward to spending the first two weeks in August sitting by the ****ing skirting board.
    Last edited by mattblack; 06-07-2019 at 11:20.
    50 shades of grey primer....

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  11. #3937
    American Truck importer v8.jimmy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Big Joe View Post
    Isn't it interesting how punctuation can change the whole meaning of a sentence?
    For instance just by inserting a colon into a sentence you can change the entire meaning and mood,
    "I ate Janes breakfast"
    And if you insert a colon
    "I ate Janes colon"
    and who ate JANE'S apostrophe Joe?

  12. #3938
    Administrator blackpopracing's Avatar
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    It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same villages and towns.
    When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a gift cheque for £50.

    At the second house they presented him an 18-carat gold watch.
    The folks at the third house handed him a bottle of 15-year old Scotch whisky.
    At the fourth house he was met at the door by a dumb blonde in her lingerie.

    She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she gave him the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where the blonde fixed him a full English Bacon, Eggs, Sausage & Tomato with freshly squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a £5 note sticking out from under the cups bottom edge.
    "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the five quid for?"

    "Well," said the dumb blonde, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that we should do something special for you".
    "I asked him what to give you".
    He said, "****-him. Give him a fiver."

    She smiled shyly and said, "The breakfast was my idea"

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  14. #3939
    Official RnS Addict rockhouse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by blackpopracing View Post
    It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same villages and towns.
    When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a gift cheque for £50.

    At the second house they presented him an 18-carat gold watch.
    The folks at the third house handed him a bottle of 15-year old Scotch whisky.
    At the fourth house he was met at the door by a dumb blonde in her lingerie.

    She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she gave him the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where the blonde fixed him a full English Bacon, Eggs, Sausage & Tomato with freshly squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a £5 note sticking out from under the cups bottom edge.
    "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the five quid for?"

    "Well," said the dumb blonde, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that we should do something special for you".
    "I asked him what to give you".
    He said, "****-him. Give him a fiver."

    She smiled shyly and said, "The breakfast was my idea"
    excellent

  15. #3940
    Official RnS Addict Big Joe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by v8.jimmy View Post
    and who ate JANE'S apostrophe Joe?
    Ouch grammar bully

  16. Likeschoppedblownpop liked this post
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