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  1. #31
    Official RnS Addict Battersea Boys's Avatar
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    Bloke is in bed having rumpy pumpy with his bird at her flat when the front door goes

    "Oh my god, quick hide, its my husband!"

    Quick as a flash the bloke jumps up, grabs his clothes and runs out the bedroom.

    All of a sudden, the husband burst in the bedroom

    "Alright where is he?"

    "what? who?" says the wife

    The bloke runs round the house with his missus chasing him, looking for the lover, he runs in the kitchen and looks out the window to see a fella running out from under the flats putting his jacket on.

    "You *******", he screams as he turns, picks up the fridge and aims it out the window landing right on top of the fella!

    The wife goes ballistic "you @&$*?!!!"

    She grabs a knife and starts laying in to him with it!

    Presently, the police and ambulance arrive and the husband ends up in hospital on the mens ward.

    As he's lying there he gets chatting to these other blokes

    "what happened to you?" One says

    Husband says "Bit of a domestic with the missus, my fault, I didn't trust her and a big argument ensued and she went for me!"

    "How about you" to the next guy

    "Freak accident" he says "I was rushing back to work from lunch and a domestic appliance coming flying out the sky and landed straight on top of me!"

    "oh my god" they all exclaim... "And what happened to you" to the guy in plaster and traction lying in the end bed...

    "Well" he says "I was sitting in this fridge!!!!"



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  3. #32
    Rods 'n' Sods Junkie et666's Avatar
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    i went out last night & drank 10 pints of yoghurt.........

    .....i was ****ing mullered

  4. #33
    Rods 'n' Sods Junkie et666's Avatar
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    what does it mean to come home to love, tenderness, compassion, & great sex ?............


    ...........it means your in the wrong bloody house

  5. #34
    Rods 'n' Sods Junkie et666's Avatar
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    the wife just caught me ****ing with a copy of the beano wrapped round my cock.............

    ........apparently that dont count as comic relief

  6. #35
    Official RnS Addict Stitch's Avatar
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    These spoof auction ads were printed side by side in Viz years ago , still make me laugh now ..

    Champagne for my real friends,Real pain for my sham friends

    My Intro

  7. #36
    Official RnS Addict Stitch's Avatar
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    Another old newspaper cutting , this time from the agony aunt page of The Sport from many years ago....

    Champagne for my real friends,Real pain for my sham friends

    My Intro

  8. #37
    Official RnS Addict Roadrunna's Avatar
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    Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods.
    All of a sudden one of the Red Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.

    'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering,
    'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo!
    He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

    The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about,.
    'Was the other Indian crazy or what?'

    The Indian replied 'No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler
    'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful squaw in there waiting for us.

    Just then they came upon another cave.
    The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered,
    'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!'
    Immediately, there was the answer.
    'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' from deep inside.

    He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.

    The Irishman wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave.
    As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking,
    'Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found.
    There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!'

    He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might
    'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' Like the others, he then heard an answering call, 'WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!'
    With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave,tearing off his clothes as he ran.


    The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read...............




























    NAKED IRISHMAN RUN OVER BY TRAIN!!!
    Meep Meep.
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  9. #38
    Official RnS Addict falfasrevenge's Avatar
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    F**k the Circus !!!!

  10. #39
    Official RnS Addict Stitch's Avatar
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    We didn't oughta let this thread die.......

    I bought some of those flavoured condoms last week, showed 'em to the missus when I got home and she was keen to try 'em out . Later that night while engaging in a bit of ''ow's your father' she looked up and said "ooh I like this one ... cheese and onion " .... a bit surprised I said "hang on I ain't put one on yet"



    .

    Champagne for my real friends,Real pain for my sham friends

    My Intro

  11. #40
    Rods 'n' Sods Junkie Jovial Prankster's Avatar
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    Two chavs were arrested in London recently, they were walking down the street drinking battery acid and eating fireworks.

    The police charged one & let the other one off.

    ouch
    "It's still not weird enough for me....."

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