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    keir starmer

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    A few weeks back I applied to be on the TV show "Naked Attraction" filled in the form and sent pictures..

    I got my confirmation email today, I've been put on the short list !!

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    I tried to start a club for men suffering from Erectile Dysfunction.

    It was a flop and nobody came.

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    How do you tell the difference between an Australian Police Officer, an English Police Officer, an American Police Officer and a Scottish police officer?

    The answer is found below....

    Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you and screaming something that sounds like obscenities, raises the knife and lunges at you.

    You are carrying your truncheon and are an expert in using it. However, you have only a split second to react before he reaches you. What do you do?

    ANSWERS:

    English Police Officer:

    Firstly, the Officer must consider the man's human rights.

    1: Does the man look poor and/or oppressed?

    2: Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law?

    3: Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger?

    4: Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

    5: Am I dressed provocatively?

    6: Could I run away?

    7: Could I possibly swing my truncheon and knock the knife out of his hand?

    8: Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong-doings?

    9: Why am I carrying a truncheon anyway and what kind of message does this send to
    society?

    10: Does he definitely want to kill me or would he be content just to wound me?

    11: If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me?

    12: If I raise my truncheon and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls
    over, knocks his head and kills himself?

    13: If I hurt him and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity
    to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home?

    Australian Police Officer:

    BANG!

    American Police Officer:
    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

    'Click'...Reload...

    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

    Glasgow Police Officer:

    "Haw, Jimmie! Drop the wee knifie son; rite noo, unless ye want it stuck up yer arse!"

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