oh come we need more jokes .. - Reply to Topic
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Topic Review (Newest First)

  • Yesterday, 09:37
    ToddFinney
    An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a beer...

    As he sat sipping his beer, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?' He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy..'

    She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.' The two sat sipping in silence.

    A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?' He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.
  • Yesterday, 09:36
    ToddFinney
    A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.

    The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out, and I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

    Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."

    He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."
  • Yesterday, 09:35
    ToddFinney
    I was at a restaurant and a cute waitress was flirting with me.

    She gave her email address and told me to hit her up sometime. I tried to email her the next day but the internet was down.

    I couldn’t connect to the server.
  • Yesterday, 01:12
    legendlives
    My wife was abducted by aliens, but they returned her virtually straight away.
    Turns out she wouldn't let them probe her either......
  • 15-01-2021, 21:03
    Slamera63
    My mate worked with a guy called "Oris", and he was openly called it to his face and would respond with a smile if called to.
    The thing was he never knew why he was called "Oris",.... it was short for clitoris because he was "a bit of a c**t!"
  • 15-01-2021, 12:24
    fogey
    Quote Originally Posted by ToddFinney View Post
    My boss calls me "the computer."

    Nothing to do with intelligence, I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes.
    That reminded me of a girl I used to work with some years back - we used to call her 'Top Cat', which she quite liked until she found out that we called her that because when she arrived at work in the morning she looked like she had spent the night in a dustbin . . .
  • 15-01-2021, 11:57
    brading
    Quote Originally Posted by ToddFinney View Post
    I didn’t feel like cooking tonight, so I made a sandwich for dinner...

    It wasn’t so much as a sandwich as much as it was just bread.

    I guess more just grain.

    Fermented grain.

    Distilled, fermented grain.

    I had whisky for dinner tonight.
    That reminds me of what my dear ole Mum used to say when I asked what I getting for my dinner, her reply was " Bread and Pull It with out the Bread "
  • 15-01-2021, 10:11
    ToddFinney
    What’s the difference between ignorance and indifference?

    I don’t know and I don’t care.
  • 15-01-2021, 10:10
    ToddFinney
    I didn’t feel like cooking tonight, so I made a sandwich for dinner...

    It wasn’t so much as a sandwich as much as it was just bread.

    I guess more just grain.

    Fermented grain.

    Distilled, fermented grain.

    I had whisky for dinner tonight.
  • 15-01-2021, 10:09
    ToddFinney
    My boss calls me "the computer."

    Nothing to do with intelligence, I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes.
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