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Todays reading is from the book of Covidicus XIX, Chapter 1, verses 1 to 4

1:1 And lo, a great blight was visited on the land forcing all subjects of the land to be confined to their habitation (except for essential workers, those who have contracts with essential workers, those who supply to the contractors of the essential workers, DIY shops and 'tat' shops that stock just enough food products to be considered essential).
1:2 And the chosen one was sore afraid, he looked to the skies and shouted "Oh Lord, give me a sign!" and shortly a warm glow emanated from the garage attracting the chosen one to venture forth.
1:3 And the Lord said, "Go forth to your garage and work on your hot rod. Seek out the stinky things and make them shiny and lovely. Weld things, hammer things and paint things. Make them good in my sight"
1:4 And the chosen one did go forth to his garage and he did seek out the stinky and bent things and began to make them good.
1:5 The first thing that caught the chosen one's eyes was the differential cover, which had sat beneath an English car for 50 years and was bedecked with oily grime and corrosion. The chosen one removed it. And he saw that it was stinky. And he was sore afraid so he looked to the Lord and said, "With what shall I do it O Lord?", and the Lord said, "A polished aluminium one would be nice, one of those ones with fins that looks like a quick-change rear end." But the chosen one was downcast, "Lord," he said, "I am but a poor peasant, working for a draconian boss who doth not pay to my full potential."
"I see," said the Lord, "I will therefore imbue you with the skills to make it less stinky."

https://www.rodsnsods.co.uk/imagehosting/263225e7a8ffde683b.jpg[/img

1:6 "Take a strip of 3mm steel. Use ye not 2mm for that is too thin. Neither use ye 4mm for that will be too thick. 5mm is right out!" And the chosen one cut and shaped a piece of 3mm steel cut from a box section,

[img]https://www.rodsnsods.co.uk/imagehosting/263225e7a8fffbb779.jpg[/img

but he was confused and asked "How shall I shape it, Lord?"
"Smite it with thy largest smitey-stick" quoth the Lord, and the chosen one did taketh his largest smitey-stick and he did smite it and shape it and cut holes in it and saw that it was good. "What do I do with it now?" Asked the chosen one.
"Use a tube of electric glue to stick it to the diff cover and keep it in place."

[img]https://www.rodsnsods.co.uk/imagehosting/263225e7a90020d408.jpg[/img

-"But why do I need it O Lord?"
-"Well if the engine makes anything like the power you want it to that crownwheel is going to walk out of there like the whore of Babylon from a vestal virgins reunion."
1:7 So the chosen one did shape and smite the 3mm reinforcement until it looked OK, and then for good measure he threw away the original breather and added a nice -6AN fitting that would take a hose to the breather tank that he had made some time ago.

[img]https://www.rodsnsods.co.uk/imagehosting/263225e7a9004be90e.jpg[/img

1:8 "Now take this blue paint and make it good."

[img]https://www.rodsnsods.co.uk/imagehosting/263225e7a9007213dd.jpg[/img

[img]https://www.rodsnsods.co.uk/imagehosting/263225e7a9009c0f65.jpg[/img

-"But that is red."
-"Oh yes. Sorry. I only made the colourblind ones in my image :shake: "[/QUOTE]

bloody brilliant .
 

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The great host of disciples were glum and without joy, but lo, when they saw into the mind of the legendary one a great hearty guffaw emerged.............and indeed they were replete.
 

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Discussion Starter · #967 ·
The Book of Covidicus XIX. Chapter 2, verses 1 to 7

The Book of Covidicus XIX
Chapter 2, Verses 1 to 7

2:1 And lo the chosen one was industrious in his toils, but his eyes had grown old and weary, and his garage was dark and lit not well, having but two small globes to illuminate his work.

2:2 He looked once more to the skies and said, "Guide me, O Lord. I would normally make busy at the room of fab at work that is bright and illuminated, but thanks to this plague that you have visited upon us I am confined to my small garage which is dingy and dark."

2:3 And the Lord said, "Take up thy tools and line thee the ceiling of thy garage which will give it joy and a brighter visage."
"But with what should I line it, O Lord?"
"Use thee the wood of many layers, but use thee not nails of common metal, instead use thee threaded fixings which can be applied using your battery drill. And by the way, it was the Chinese that visited the plague upon thee, not me."

2:4 So the chosen one did line the ceiling of his garage using wood of many layers, and threaded fixings as the Lord had commanded, and he saw that it was good but as dusk covered the land he was once more downcast as the meagre illumination in his garage precluded accurate and enjoyable night-time toil.

2:5 Once more he called upon the Lord, "Lord, my garage is truly a cleaner and happier place, but come the night-time I find that toil is still impaired."
And the Lord said, "Fit ye illumination of great fluorescence, and do it many-fold."
-"How many-fold illuminations of great fluorescence shall I fit O Lord?"
-"I don't know. IV or V should do it."

2:6 And so the chosen one did fit many illuminations of great fluorescence, but he was not good at Roman numerals, so when he showed the product of his toils to the Lord, the Lord exclaimed, "Junior on a bike, your bill of electrickery will truly be vast. I said IV or V, but you have fitted X, and all of them doubles. Truly if thy electrickery meter doth not resemble a whirlwind then my name is not Lord. My me man, I can see them from my place of repast without my omnipotence."

2:7 But the chosen one was, at least for the moment, rejoicing in the illumination of his toils.

 

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And yay verily the lord did send down the angel gabriel ,carrying forth the encapsulated balm of heaven ...spf45... that may banish the burning of the sun on the fair skin of his disciple radiating forth from the blessed lights above .!
 

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Numbers 20:8 reads
"take the rod and call the assembly together"

Instruction to attend hot rod show? A verse which even atheistic hot rodders can take to heart!
 
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Discussion Starter · #972 · (Edited)
The Book of Covidicus XIX. Chapter 3, verses 1 to 9

Today's reading is from The Book of Covidicus XIX
Chapter 3, Verses 1 to 9

3:1 And it came to pass that the chosen one needed vehicular ingress and egress, but the doors of his rod of heat were indeed made by beelzibub and fitted not the holes they were intended for, touching the rim of the hole more often than a blind man needing to piss, and needing a slam firmer than the walls of Troy to get them shut.



3:2 And the chosen one did wring his hands and wail and weep for he wanted not doors that fitted not, nor doors that required shoulder-smiting to shut, and he shouted to the Lord, "Lord, what shall I do to make these doors worthy of their name?"

3:3 And the Lord said 'Taketh thy machine of rotary abrasion and bedeck it with a slitting wheel. Cut where the door is tight, but beware! Cut not where the door fitteth for that would be the equivalent of spilling thy seed on barren ground."

3:4 So the chosen one did take his machine of rotary abrasion and he did fitteth a slitting wheel, and he did verily cut where the doors were tight, but he cutteth not where the doors were right or loose, and as the Lord had promised the doors did open and shut in an acceptable manner.

3:5 "But Lord," said the chosen one, "the gaps that I have cut are righteous and good, but the gaps where I have not cut are as vast as the Red Sea, and I fear just as difficult to traverse."





3:6 The Lord sat the chosen one down. He was beginning to think that the chosen one was a bit of a whiner, but then he remembered Harry Potter and realised that he hadn't got it so bad. He spoke, "Chosen one," he said, "Verily these doors are from a Ford 7Y or early Pop, but not necessarily this 7Y. You will have to add metal where the door gaps are vast, but be wary, addeth not excessive metal lest ye have to once more use thy machine of rotary abrasion."



3:7 The chosen one was truly vexed, "Lord, please guide me in my toils for I am unsure as to how to expediate such work," but the Lord was calm, "Vieweth thy Tube of You. Seeketh Kindig Customs or Project Binky. These prophets will guide you in the ancient ways of door fitting. But beware, the Tube of You is repleat with poor prophets who talk much of perfection but deliver little in that area, so search thee not Gas Monkey or Fantomworks for these are false prophets in my eyes."

3:8 So the chosen one did seek out the visual offerings of the prophets Kindig and Binky, and he did view them, and he did take the knowledge imparted to him forth to his garage where he cut, ground, welded and shaped the metal of the doors until the fit was a truly worthy offering to the Lord. And while he was there he covered the holes for the handles of ingress for they were flawed in his eyes.









3:9 And the Lord saw the doors, and he watched them open and close with but the slightest force, and he knew that they were good. Here endeth the third chapter.
 

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The good lord should have offered guidance in the size of the gaps - 5mm minimum or verily the thin colouring layer of protection will make the gaps too small again and the whiny chosen one ;) will be very vexed at the tightness of the fitting once again.

PS,

Phantomworks - is he just a restorer as they seem to moan about anything non stock and replace it with std stuff??
 

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Discussion Starter · #977 ·
The good lord should have offered guidance in the size of the gaps - 5mm minimum or verily the thin colouring layer of protection will make the gaps too small again and the whiny chosen one ;) will be very vexed at the tightness of the fitting once again.
"Buggeration!" Exclaimed the chosen one, for the words of his disciple did ring true. Once more he utilised his machine of rotary abrasion..........
 

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Discussion Starter · #978 ·
The Book of Covidicus XIX Chapter 4

The Book of Covidicus XIX
Chapter 4, Verses 1 to 6

4:1 And it came to pass that the chosen one was a bit bored with doors, and needed other outlets for his vehicular enthusiasm, "Lead me, O Lord, for I am bored with doors (see, told you so!) and need more rod of heat and non-Mustang related production."

4:2 And the Lord said, "remembereth the side panels that you made for the bonnet from resinous and fibrous materials?"
-"Surely Lord, for I have recently been fitting my metallic bonnet with piano hinges so these can be attached and hinged."
The Lord became angry, "Hinge ye not these panels, for with hinged panels the fitting and removal of the bonnet will cause chips and scratches in the coloured top layer of your rod of heat, instead make them individually removable."
But the chosen one was puzzled, "For what purpose Lord?"
-"So that the car can be run with the bonnet, but without the side panels if necessary, thereby showing off those cam covers of great arousement."



4:3 The chosen one was perplexed, but pondered the word of the Lord and realised that it was good, "But how will I attach them, Lord?"
-"Taketh the many Clips of Dzus, thy drill, thy machine of rotary abrasion and thy electric tube of metal glue and venture into your garage of toil."

4:4 The chosen one became perplexed, "I worship not fake Gods O Lord, why would you bid me to do so?"
-"What are you talking about?"
-"Zeus Lord, you said I must use clips of Zeus."
-"Oh for procreation's sake, it's DZUS, not Zeus. Totally different spelling. You must be the only human to have ever made that mistake."
-"Sorry Lord."

4:5 So the chosen one took his side panels of much resin and fibre, and he did measure and mark and electric glue and drill and rivet Dzus clips to the body and the front end, and he did drill holes for the clips of Dzus to the side panels, and he did fit them and he was happy in his toils.





4:6 "But they are flimsy as the morals of the moneylenders, being held only by three clips of Dzus on each side. What shall I do, Lord?"
And the Lord spoke," Chosen one, it looks like there will have to be more verses to this chapter….."

 
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