1. And it came to pass that the Chosen one did rotate his rod of heat in it’s place to expose the side yet to be finished.
2. And he did use his tool of rotary abrasion, and he smiteth the panels and he did apply more plastic smoothness.
3. And then the Chosen one did sand and smooth the panels using his block of length and smaller blocks of sand. But he called on the Lord not as this side gave him grief not.
4. Soon the chosen one was ready to apply more drab coating to the panels he had toiled on. And he did stand back and he wept with joy.
5. Then the clouds did part, and the sun did shine and doves flew from the skies, and the beautiful song of the choir invisible rang out across the land.
6. “Chosen one,” Boometh the Lord, “It is truly a joyous day. You have, at last, coated the whole of the shell of your rod of heat with drab, matt coating. Thou should rejoice!”
7. “Lord,” sayeth the Chosen one, “I have toiled many years to bring my rod of heat to this moment. Not one panel has remained un-modified. I have used much plastic smoothness (the majority of which endeth up in the air and on the floor like in Deuteronomy 28:24) and much drab coating, but I rejoice in the shaping of the shell.”
8. “Anyone you wish to thank?” Asketh the Lord, coyly.
9. “Not really Lord. I’ve done it all myself.”
10. And as the Chosen one spoke, the sun, doves and choir invisible inexplicably disappeared leaving a standard September day in Auckland. And it raineth.
And the lord did think to himself,What has the chosen one been doing on the other side that took so long?, and the lord felt himself getting quite cross and thought how to punish the chosen one ,maybe let it rain for 40 days and 40 nights or send a plague of locusts as the plague of covidicus was nearly done, hmm he thought to himself.
1. The Chosen one toileth not and was reclining upon his garden hedge, “Chosen one,” Sayeth the Lord, “Why resteth thou on thy laurels?”
(This is comedy gold!)
2. “Lord I have tried to toil on my rod of heat, and indeed I was toiling on my ports of ingress and egress with my tool of dual-direction rotary abrasion, but the noise vexeth my neighbour.” Said the Chosen one.
3. “Indeed,” The Lord became pensive, “Tell me of this neighbour, Chosen one.”
4. “He is a man who habiteth alone Lord,” Sayeth the chosen one, “He hath no girlfriend or wife, and between you and me I think he coveteth my ass.”
(If I don’t win an award for this there’s no justice!)
5. “Vexeth not thy neighbour, Chosen one. Instead toil thee manually on thy ports of ingress and egress. Use paper of sand and production and remove the ancient covering. Expose thee virgin metals.”
6. So the chosen one toiled with papers of sand and production and many grades thereof. Then he did smite his port of ingress and egress, and then applied plastic smoothness, and continued to abrade.
7. “Lord, I have toiled the whole day on one of my ports of ingress and egress as I was unable to use tools of electrickery, but the port is now smooth.”
8. “Chosen one, thee must coat thy port of ingress and egress with drab coating before the sun sets and the mists descend.”
9. The Chosen one did as he was bid, and before the sun set he had indeed coated the outside of his port of ingress and egress, but alas he could continue not with the other port as his vessel of plastic smoothness was as barren as Sarah, Rebekah, and Rachel.
10. But he sent out a decree across the land that if anyone should supply him with more plastic smoothness they would be rewarded with remuneration, or beers of Germanic origins.
11. And The Lord, seeing that the first port of ingress and egress did perform ‘the miracle of the plastic smoothness’ and sent the Chosen one on a quest to find it.
1. And it came to pass that two of the Lords followers did answer his decree and did supply the chosen one with more plastic smoothness. There was small remuneration in the shape of beers of Germanic origin to one of the followers, but the other requireth only the gratitude of the Chosen one.
2. “Thank you Lord,” Sayeth the Chosen one, “For thanks to thy great works I can continueth with the panels on my rod of heat. I will apply my tool of dual-action rotary abrasion to the other port of ingress and egress.”
3. “But Chosen one,” replyeth the Lord, “Didst thou not say that the noise of your tool of dual-action rotary abrasion vexeth thy neighbour?”
4. “Fornicate mine neighbour Lord!” Stateth the Chosen one.
5. “From what you have said, Chosen one, he might rejoice at the thought!” The Lord Chuckleth to himself.
6. So the chosen one continued with his tool of dual-action rotary abrasion, and soon the old exterior coating of his port of ingress and egress had been removed, and much virgin metal had been exposed, but the Chosen one was despondent as he had also exposed many old repairs.
7. “Lord,” sayeth the Chosen one, “My second port of ingress and egress is poor. I fear this may have been the port of ingress and egress that had suffered much damage, the same that the hinges were sorely bent and needed much smiting to return them to their original shape.”
8. “Smite thy port of ingress and egress, heat it and quench it, apply thy tool of rotary abrasion, then when it is flat and true apply thy newly acquired plastic smoothness that it become as smooth as the firmament.”
9. And the Chosen one did toil as the Lord had bid him, and while he toiled he applied his tool of dual-action rotary abrasion, and his tool of rotary abrasion to the bootlid that had been the spare wheel well to remove the demon oxide that had grown on the panel three years hence.
10. And soon both the port of ingress and egress, and the bootlid that had been the spare wheel well were as smooth to the touch as Cleopatra’s cheek. And the Lord looked. And he saw that they were good.
11. “Chosen one,” sayeth the Lord, “Muster thy last drops of drab coating and coat thy panels before the evening mists return.”
12. So the chosen one applied his very last drops of drab coating to his port of ingress and egress and his bootlid that had been the spare wheel well using his roller of many nylon skins.
13. And soon the drab coating was dry, and the Chosen one stood back, and he realised that now all of the panels on his rod of heat had, through much toil, all been coated in drab matt coating, and he wept again, and the Lord comforteth him.
The Chosen on rejoiced at the comments of his disciples.
1. On the morrow of the day following the completion of the body panels, a messenger of materials came to the Chosen one and delivered to him some vessels of propelled adhesion.
2. “Lord,” Sayeth the Chosen one, “I have new supplies of propelled adhesion. How should I glorify thy name by using it?”
3. “Chosen one,” replyeth the Lord, “Take thy cover of box of direction and speed and coat it with thin layers of material that is firm, yet soft. Then, using thy machine of automatic stitching and much frustration, make the a cover worthy of my sight. Make it better than your last effort (which wouldn’t be difficult).”
4. So the Chosen one did adhere soft yet firm material to his cover of his box of speed and direction, and then he toiled with his machine of automatic stitching and much frustration until he had made a coat worthy of the sight of the Lord.
5. “Lord, How should I attach the coat to my cover of speed and direction?”
6. “Apply thee more propelled adhesion to thy coat, but saturate it completely not. Instead adhere it in small areas that thee may position the coat correctly as thee go.”
7. So the chosen one did as the Lord had bid, and after a few short hours and much chanting of profanities the coat was indeed in place, but it buttered the Chosen one’s muffin not.
8. “Lord, the coat is indeed adhered to the cover of the box of speed and direction, but it looketh unfinished and doth not glorify thy name.”
9. The Lord rolleth his eyes. “Chosen one, thou must make a trim of metal alloys. Form it and weld it, then thou must coat it in a covering as dark as night and as wrinkly as the face of Methuselah. Then attach this trim to thy cover of the box of speed and direction using many rivets of pop”
10. And the chosen one did exactly as the Lord had bid, and then he polisheth the foot scuff plate of metal alloys and attacheth it to the cover of the box of speed and direction with screws of steel that doth not feel the bite of the demon oxide. Then he polisheth the small switch console that had been made many years since and he did attach this in a similar way, but using washers of metal alloys and bright colours.
11. “But how should I attach the cover of the box of speed and direction to the chassis most beautiful?” Asketh the Chosen one.
12. “Useth thee clips of Dzus and attacheth these with more rivets of pop.” Sayeth the Lord.
13. “Zeus?” Queryeth the Chosen one.
“Don’t start that again.” Sayeth the Lord.
14. But the chosen one did as the Lord had bid, and he stepped back to view his cover of the box of speed and direction. “Lord,” sayeth the Chosen one, “Doth it not look as the testicles of the canine?”
15. And the Lord looked, and he saw that it was good.
1. “Lord.” Sayeth the Chosen one, “It raineth and the weather is far too inclement to continue with any toils on the panels of my rod of heat. Guide me in the way forward.
2. “There is much to do, Chosen one. Seek out the small toils that will ultimately make your rod of heat much envied.”
3. “But Lord, “ Pleadeth the Chosen one, “I feel like I have reached the strokes of fermented malt condiment as little seems to bring this build to a worthy climax.”
4. “Chosen one. Firstly thou must bring thy electrickery to worthy completion. Take the thy bundle of many colours that leads from the console in the skies, sort them, bare the many metal elements within and terminate them with spades of silver, BUT RELY YE NOT on crimps alone, instead apply thy iron of heat and flow in alloys of base metals to bond thy metal strands to the silver spades.”
5. So the Chosen one did strip bare the ends of the cables of many colours (the main feed cables being of multi-insulation in Kevlar and plastics being an absolute female canine to strip). And once he had attached spades of silver with molten base metals he inserted them in blocks of plastic organisation.
6. And by that time the Chosen one felt his electrickery jo of mo return, and he did progress to the rear of the floor and he did apply loom tape to the cables of lights of direction, where he did make holes using his tool of rotary piercing which he protected from the demon oxide by applying shiny covering of bluish hues.
7. “Arrest ye!” Shouteth the Lord, “Push thy cables of light of direction not through that member, instead order grommets of rubber from the web of net to protect and seal the cables.”
8. So the Chosen one halted his toils, “What now Lord?” He asketh.
9. “Whilst you are in that area, Chosen one, cut thee studs of M6 metal (that doth not feel the bite of oxide) and thread them in across the rear of the floor area. These will affix the many layers of flooring and panel at the time of fitting.”
10. And as the Chosen one completed this task, the clouds parted and the sun shone on that place.
11. “Lord, thou hast been most beneficial in clearing the skies and banishing the rain. What toils can I do in thy energising sunshine?”
12. “Chosen one,” considereth the Lord, “Look out thy board of dials. Applyeth thy tool of rotary abrasion until the virgin metal gleameth. Then smite ye where thy board needeth smiting and apply some plastic smoothness. Abrade this until thy board of dials is as smooth as thine the body panels.”
THE MIRACLE OF THE DRAB MATT COATING
13. And it came to pass that the Chosen one, having done as the Lord had suggested, became despondent once more. “Lord, my board of dials is truly as smooth as the buttocks of Baby Jesus, but alas my vessel of drab matt covering is as barren as Jehosophat so I can protect it not.”
14. “Chosen one.” Sayeth the Lord in a very James Earl Jones voice, “Advance ye into thy cave of many things, and within you will find a cupboard of many shelves, and on one of these shelves you will find a vessel of propelled drab matt coating.”
15. So the chosen one did as the Lord had bid, and he did find not one, but two vessels of propelled coating, one being heavy with base metal. And he did apply the drab coating which was heavy with base metal inside his board of dials, and the simple drab matt coating on the exterior thereof.
16. And soon it raineth again, but the Chosen one had completed his day of toils so retired for his repast and rest.
1. The chosen one rose from his rest and was enthused with the progress on his rod of heat. “What toils should I carry out now, Lord?” He asketh.
2. “Chosen one,” Sayeth the Lord, “Take thy floor of metal alloys and abrade it with thy tool of dual-direction abrasion that thee smootheth out the small imperfections. Then find thee a pad of abrasion and rubbeth thy floor until it resembles silk, BUT rubbeth thee the direction of the poles of the earth only. Rub thee not in the direction of sun rise and sun set as this will spoil the silky finish. Do this on both sides that thee are pleased with the view from the underworld.”
3. The Chosen one toiled upon the Lords abrasion instruction and he was pleased with the effect that the Lord had imagined, “How should I protect my floor of silky metal alloys, Lord?”
4. “Take thee wax, Chosen one, but use not wax of the common candle or thy children’s ears, instead use thee wax of thy female parent.”
5. The Chosen one did as the Lord had bid, and then he marketh out the panels and, using his tool of rotary piercing, did make many small holes in the panel.
6. “Fix thee thy panels to the chassis of much beauty using threaded fixings that locate in female threaded orifices that exist therein, then, using thy tool of rotary piercing, make holes in thy chassis of much beauty.”
7. “Why so, Lord?” Asketh the Chosen one, “Will these holes not invite the demon oxides?”
8. “Chosen one,” Comforteth the Lord, “Fret ye not. Instead clean off thy chassis of much beauty and apply more wax from thy female parent along where the panels will meet. Apply ye plentiful amounts of thy wax that the demon oxide will be banished from that place!”
9. “What then, Lord?” Asketh the Chosen one once more.
10. “Then, Chosen one, affix thy panels to thy chassis of much beauty using rivets that see not. Once thou hast done what I have bid then fit thee thy box of pedals and attach it to thy tubes of fluid retardation. Assemble thee also thy retardation of the hand and attach this also to thy tubes of hydraulic retardation using fittings that bridge thy panels.”
11. The chosen one toiled for the remainder of the weekend, and by the sun-set of the sabbath he had completed all of the Lord’s instructions.
12. “Lord,” Sayeth the Chosen one, “I have completed thy instructions and am joyous with progress on my rod of heat. Can I complete any more toils before my rest?”
13. “Chosen one,” Replyeth the Lord, “Repeat thy toils on the floor of thy passengerial victims, but fit it not as there are still toils necessary below."
14. So the chosen one did abrade the floor of metal alloys on the passengerial victim side of his rod of heat, and he did pierce it many times with his tool of rotary piercing, but he fitteth it not. Neither did he fit the cover of his box of pedals as this can only be fitted after the cover of his box of speed and direction is in place.
15. “I am weary, Lord,” Sayeth the Chosen one, “But I rejoice at my progress through the enforced time from my remunerated toil thanks to the plague you have visited upon this land.”
16. “I keep telling you, it was the Chinese (via India)!” Sayeth the Lord.
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