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415 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Excerpt from: The Diary of a Londoner living in the Scottish Highlands.


19th December

It started to snow today! The first of the season, and the very first we have seen for years.

The wife and I took our hot toddies out onto the porch and watched the fluffy soft snowflakes gently drift from the sky, leaving a twinkling diamond-like dusting on the trees and the law. It is so beautiful and peaceful here.

20th December

We awoke delighted to find a beautiful blanket of crystal white glistening snow covering the land as far as the eye can see.

What a fantastic sight, every tree and bush is now adorned with a lovely mystical cotton wool covering, sparkling as if sent from heaven itself.

24th December

I shovelled now for the first time ever today and loved it! I cleared both our driveway and the whole of the pavement outside our house and the house next door.

Later on, a snowplough came past and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver gave a big wave and smiled as he went past, I waved back and then shovelled the driveway clear again.

The children next door built a snowman, with coal for its eyes and a carrot for its nose, they then had a snowball fight. A couple of snowballs just missed me and hit the car, I threw a couple back and joined in the fun.

26th December

It snowed an additional 5inches last night and the temperature dropped to around minus 8 degrees. Several branches on our trees and bushes have snapped due to the weight of the snow.

I shovelled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snowplough came by and did the same trick again. Much of the snow is now a brownish grey.

2nd. January

Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush, which soon turned into ice as the temperature dropped again.

Bought snow tyres for both cars.

Fell on my arse in the driveway and went to casualty, luckily nothing broken!

6th January

Still cold! Had another 8 inches of white shite last night.

Sold the wife's car the other day and bought a 4x4 to get her to work. She slid into a wall and caused considerable damage to the right wing. Both the vehicles are covered in salt and iced up slush.

The bastard snowplough came by twice today! Where’s the bloody shovel?

9th January

More fucking snow! Not a tree or a bush on our property that hasn't been damaged. Power off most of the twating night.

Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and paraffin heater, spilt some fucking paraffin and nearly torched the house!

Managed to put the flames out, but suffered second degree burns to my hands, and lost all of my eyebrows and eyelashes.

Car hit a fucking deer on the way to casualty and was written off.

13th January

The Fucking bastard white stuff keeps coming down! Have to put on every article of clothing just to go to the postbox.

The little bastards next door ambushed me with snowballs on the way back. I'll shove that carrot so far up that little pricks arse, it'll take a surgeon hours to find it!

If I ever catch the arsehole that drives the snowplough, I'll rip open his chest and chew out his heart with my teeth!

I think the bastard hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shovelling. He then accelerates down the street like Michael fucking Schumacher and buries the bastard drive again!

17th January

Sixteen more fucking inches of fucking snow, fucking ice, fucking sleet and God knows whatever other white shite fell last night. Can't move my fucking toes, its so cold.

I'm due in court in 3 months time for assaulting the snowplough driver with an ice pick

Haven't seen the sun for five weeks. Minus 20degrees, and more fucking snow forecast!!!

20th January

Fuck this!! We're moving back to London.

Legs and heels subscriber
757 Posts
I just hope this f'kin snow clears in time for the jockanese to get down to support your Hot Rod N Hills event :shock:

Must be snowin like ell way dan sarf also as there arent many manage to get north to it:incheek:

whoosh....light fuse paper and stand well back.........

not biting:D lol

200 Posts
Good story Craig.
How is your village and surrounding area getting on after the flooding? I would imagine there is a lot of p#ssed off people and their still in alternative accommodation. Did you get any of the re-furb work?

732 Posts
Ha Ha!I can sympathise being a Surrey boy in West Lothian.
Havn't seen the Postie since 20th December.
Bins got emptied on Tuesday,first time since before Christmas.
Mark.(cold and extremely pissed off)
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