I recently purchaced a 4 foot condom from a mail order cat.
it was delivered today at 7am. so i took it to work and put it
on my head. My boss said i looked like a BIG KNOB. I said
good im fed up with you calling me a LITTLE C**T
Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The guy who can carry a cup of tea in each hand and a dozen donuts. Who is the most popular girl at the colony she is the one who can eat the last donut.
Former president bush and tony blair are at a meeting of the united nations when the leader of the united arab emirates come over and asks mr bush in my country we love your series star trek but tell me in it you have americans, scottish, chinese, africans and even people from other planets but no arabs why is this george bush looks at him and replies thats because its set in the future.
Please note that the HSBC Bank is installing new "drive thru" cashpoint machines, customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable users to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up.
Please read the procedure that refers to your own circumstances (Male or Female) and remember them for when you use the machine for the 1st time.
1) Drive up to cash machine.
2) Wind down your car window.
3) Insert card into machine and enter pin.
4) Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5) Wind up window.
6) Drive off.
1) Drive up to cash machine.
2) Reverse back the required amount to align car window to cash machine.
3) Restart the stalled engine.
4) Wind down the window.
5) Find handbag,remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
6) Turn the radio down.
7) Attempt to insert card into cash machine.
8) Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to excessive distance from the car.
9) Insert card.
10) Re-insert card the right way up.
11) Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
12) Enter PIN
13) Press cancel and re-enter PIN
14) Enter amount of cash required.
15) Check make up in rear view mirror.
16) Retrieve cash and receipt.
17) Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.
18) Place receipt in back of cheque book.
19) Recheck make up again.
20) Drive forward 2 metres.
21) Reverse back to cash machine.
22) Retrieve card
23) Re-empty handbag,locate card holder and place card into slot provided.
2 little brothers came down for breakfast.
dad says to the older brother what do you want for breakfast. he replies fucking cornflakes. The dad says your grounded and get back to your room with no breakfast. He turns to his younger son and asks what do you want for breakfast. he replies i don't want fucking cornflakes.
Paddy and **** walking down a street in London.
Paddy happens to look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his eye.
The sign said: "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, trousers £2.50 per pair".
Paddy says to his pal, "****, Look!
We could buy a whole lot of dose, and when we get back to Ireland, we could make a fortune.
Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay?
Just let me do all the talking cause if they hear our accent, they might not be nice to us.
I'll speak in my best English accent.' 'Roight y'are, Paddy, I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will.' says ****.
They go in and Paddy says, "I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each.
I'll back up my truck and ......." The owner of the shop interrupts,
"You're from Ireland, aren't you?"
"Well...yes," says a surprised Paddy.
"How d' y' know dat?"
The owner says,
"This is a dry cleaners."
A forum community dedicated to UK Hot Rod & Street Rod owners and enthusiasts. Come join the discussion about Hot Rods, builds, performance, modifications, classifieds, troubleshooting, maintenance, and more!