China started anal swabbing covid-19 patients for rapid results...
Step 1: Insert swab into butthole.
Step 2: Remove, and insert swab into nose.
Step 3: If you smelled it, congrats, you are COVID negative.
Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter for 4 people? I'm still looking for 2 more adults to join me and my wife.
We leave early Saturday morning (Feb 6th) from New York and will fly to Boston , where we will have breakfast, then have lunch on a friend’s yacht. Then we’ll do a flight along the coast, up to Cape Elizabeth returning to Boston for dinner, then fly back home. If interested, please message me.
Preferably someone with a helicopter and yacht, otherwise we can't go.
A priest, an alcoholic, and an engineer are sentenced to death. They are to be killed by the guillotine.
First is the priest. The executioner says "You can go on the guillotine either face up or face down". The priest says "I want to die face up, looking up to the heavens". So the priest lies face up. The executioner releases the blade; the blade falls rapidly but suddenly stops just 1 inch from the priest's neck. Given the miracle, the priest is allowed to walk free.
Next comes the alcoholic. The executioner offers him the same choice, "Do you want to lie facing up or facing down?". The alcoholic says "I want to face up... to remember my glorious drinking days". So the alcoholic lies face up. The executioner releases the blade, and again, it suddenly stops just 1 inch from the man's neck. Given the miracle, the alcoholic is allowed to walk free.
Finally, it's the engineer's turn. Once again, the executioner offers him the same choice, "Face up or face down?". The engineer scratches his head and says "face up I guess". So the engineer lies face up. Just as the executioner is about to release the blade, the engineer starts shouting. "WAIT WAIT!! .... I found the problem!"
A gas station owner was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read, “Free Sex with Every Fill-Up.”
Rob pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10, and said that if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. Rob said "today is my birthday, i'm feeling LUCKY and I guess 8".
The owner said, “You were very close, the lucky number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time.”
A week later, Rob, with his friend Marvin, pulled in for another fill-up. Again Rob asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. Rob guessed 2. The proprietor said, “Sorry, it was 3, you were very close, but no free sex this time.”
As they were driving away, Marvin said to Rob, “I think that game is rigged and he doesn’t really give away free sex at all.”
Rob replied, “No it’s genuine enough Marvin. My wife won twice last week.”
In 1939, a Jewish man was sitting in the New York Metro reading a german newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be in the same subway , noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached him and said:
'Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading a nazi newspaper?'
Moshe replied, 'I used to read the Jewish newspapers, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted, Jews fleeing their country, Jews disappearing, Jews living in poverty... I got so depressed!
So I switched to the Nazi newspaper. Now what do I find? Jews own all the banks, Jews control the media, Jews are all rich and powerful, Jews rule the world. The news is so much more uplifting!'
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